I remember having a conversation with my daughter not too long ago. I was trying to teach her a very valuable life lesson at the ripe old age of 10 months, so I sat her down and tried to get her attention. Eyes locked, holding her hand, I began explaining the danger of our glass coffee table. Very quickly, I realized I was losing her.
Instead of listening, she grabbed my shirt, pulled herself closer, and “booped” my nose. She giggled, then turned right back toward the coffee table to attempt another climb. At that moment, I became frustrated and spiraled into thinking she was never going to learn the boundaries that would keep her safe.
Now, I know this might seem like a funny, insignificant story, especially because if you’re reading this, you’re likely looking for wisdom on communicating with your teenager. But I want to propose something: some of the very frustrations you face with your teen might parallel my moment with my 10-month-old more than you’d expect. Do you trust me?
Healthy communication is something many people struggle with, regardless of age. For most of us, it was never clearly taught or consistently modeled. However, one thing is true for every human, we desire to be known, heard, and understood.
When communication breaks down, especially with someone you love, it can feel defeating. When every conversation ends in frustration rather than encouragement, chances are the other person feels the same way. Add the filter of age and generational differences, and it takes intentional effort to build bridges.
If you’re at the end of yourself with someone close to you, feeling distant no matter how hard you try, I want to encourage you. Jesus demonstrated three things in the way He connected and communicated with others that can help rebuild the bridges that feel shaky and broken.
One of my favorite examples is the story of the Woman at the Well. After one conversation, she was radically changed, and it set her life in a completely different direction. Jesus, exhausted from traveling, stopped near a well in Samaria. A woman approached, and He asked her for a drink. What happened next has deeply shaped the way I approach communication.
To be Seen
“The Samaritan woman said to him, “You are a Jew and I am a Samaritan woman. How can you ask me for a drink?” (John 4:9)
Man, her response is priceless. As I envision this exact moment in their encounter, I picture the Samaritan woman’s tone being somewhat forceful and even unsure as she is completely taken back that Jesus was speaking to her. She was used to people looking right past her, and even avoiding her at times. So often, this is where communication begins to break down in our relationships. Before a word is spoken, we want to know: Do you see me?
To Be Heard
As their conversation continued, the woman focused on practical details like how Jesus didn’t have a bucket. However, Jesus wasn’t talking about water. He was talking about her heart. You’ve heard the phrase “read between the lines” well I think in order for relationships to be healthy we have to “hear between the words”. In other words we need to pursue understanding and the person’s heart when listening to them, that’s how we actually hear what they are saying.
Jesus did this beautifully. He listened past her questions and defenses and responded to what she truly needed. When we commit to understanding the heart of the person we’re listening to, we begin to walk in a new level of empathy and connection.
To be Known
Then came the moment that changed everything. Jesus revealed that He knew her story, her past, her hurt, and even her patterns. But then Jesus, being Jesus, continued the conversation with her.
“I have no husband,” she replied.
Jesus said to her, “You are right when you say you have no husband. 18 The fact is, you have had five husbands, and the man you now have is not your husband. What you have just said is quite true.” (John 4:17-18)
Being truly known can feel scary. The thought of someone knowing who we are, like really knowing, can seem scary and make us insecure. Jesus exposed her past, not to shame her, but to affirm her that she was more than her mistakes. As parents, this can be a challenging technique to learn, but once we do, it changes the game.
The woman who once approached the well alone, hiding from the opinions of others, ran back to the very people she avoided and said, “Come, see a man who told me everything I ever did.” She didn’t run because she was exposed, I believe she ran because she finally felt understood.
Isn’t that at the core of our desire when we communicate with the people we love, especially our teenagers? To not just share words, but to be understood beneath the words. To create space for honesty without fear. To offer connection instead of correction-first conversations. Jesus shows us that true understanding is what gives people the courage to come close again.
So, what does this mean for the conversations waiting for you in your living room, your car rides, or your kitchen late at night?
Just like Jesus with the woman at the well:
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- We can learn to see before we speak. See your teen not just as the attitude they’re giving or the silence they’re sitting in, but as a whole person with real feelings, fears, and pressures. When people feel seen, they open the door to connection.
- We can choose to hear between the words. Your teen might say, “I don’t care,” but mean, “I’m overwhelmed.” They might say, “Leave me alone,” but mean, “I don’t know how to explain what I’m feeling.” Listening for the heart builds bridges.
- We can offer a place to be known. When your teen realizes they can tell you hard things and you won’t run from them, or define them by their mistakes, you become a safe place.
As much as I wish my 10-month-old would stop choosing the coffee table over my wisdom (we put it in the garage now, by the way lol), I know she’s just learning. And the same is true for our teenagers. They’re still learning. Having a healthy relationship with your kids isn’t a one time conversation that fixes the problem, it’s a relationship that builds over time.
And maybe, just maybe, the next time you’re trying to have a meaningful conversation and it feels like your teenager is metaphorically “booping your nose” and missing the point entirely, you’ll remember:
There’s still hope. There’s still space. And there’s still an opportunity to build a bridge.
MEET THE AUTHOR:
Jordan Arnold is a Tennessee-based writer from near Nashville who draws inspiration from her faith. One of her favorite verses is Psalms 33:4 (TPT): “For God’s Word is something to sing about! He is true to his promises, his word can be trusted, and everything he does is reliable and right.” 
