We have all been wronged before. And I’m sure we’ve all wronged before, too.
When someone hurts us, we tend to want to hurt them right back. We want to make that other person understand just what, exactly, they did, even if they didn’t mean to do it, and exactly how it made us feel, even if that wasn’t their intention at all, and especially when it was. Our world tells us to get the ice ready and prepare the best dish of revenge to serve at the lowest temperature possible. Our God tells us to put down the cookware. Let’s open up to Colossians and Romans.
Before we get into it, I do want to clarify that I’m not saying that you have to link arms and sing showtunes with someone and act like all is well when it certainly isn’t. It’s unhealthy when we stuff a grievance down, because a wounded heart is an incubator for bitterness. I’m also not saying you have to let someone in your life when they’ve repeatedly hurt you, because God does remove people from others’ lives when He sees fit, and boundaries are important. I’ve seen situations where people take the Bible out of context to excuse the way they made someone feel (and I’m not referring to the situations where someone was told the truth and they didn’t like it—I’m referring to the ones where someone was out of line and as a result, someone else got hurt). This post will not be one of those.
While we can’t stuff down a grievance, we absolutely can’t let it stand, because it will block our vision and prevent us from seeing others as God intends us to see them. There is not a single perfect person on this planet, and we can’t define people by their mistakes when God defines them by His love. When we’re dealing with an offense, Colossians 3:13 (NIV) says “Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.” Emphasis on that last part. God forgave us first. Also, an aside here—forgiveness is a suture that helps the relationship heal (more on that soon). And a relationship that hasn’t been tested is a relationship that won’t be true. If you’re only cool with someone as long as the water is calm, then how strong of a ship do you have? Talk it out. Navigate those waters together. We truly aren’t meant to do it alone.
Even if God wants to remove that person from your life, forgiveness is still key. Going back to sutures—forgiveness is a suture that helps us heal. When we close up a wound this way, we stop focusing on the wound itself and more on its healing. We step away from offense or even downright hurt and allow God to work in us, replacing it with His love. This takes time. And we can glare at the wound and grimace at how deep it is, but that’s when God gently tips our chins up and says “I’ll make it better.” Not “it doesn’t hurt that bad,” or “you’re overreacting,” but “I’ll make it better.”
On a different note, justice isn’t ours to be served—it’s God’s. This isn’t to rub our hands together and chuckle maniacally at the prospect of someone “getting what’s coming to them,” but instead to have peace that we don’t have to serve up an icy dish of revenge, because God’s justice is just. In other words, it doesn’t rely on our feelings of what justice should be—it relies on God’s sovereign decision of what justice is. Romans 12:19 (NIV) says “Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: ‘It is mine to avenge; I will repay,’ says the Lord.” A few verses down, Romans 12:20 (NIV) says “On the contrary: If your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head.'” Those coals could ignite the love of Christ in them. Whether or not they choose to accept that love is their choice, but you’ll be able to walk more like Jesus knowing that you were kind instead of vengeful.
God knows what happened and what that person or those people did. He also knows every intention behind every action, which, honestly, how soothing it is to know that He does. Our emotions can distort the truth like magicians, can’t they? I’ve got a note on my wall that says “God can handle it. Please let Him.” I want to revise that to say “God should handle it. Please let Him.” And along the way, let’s forgive and live as Jesus would.
MEET THE AUTHOR:
Katie Pennington is a writer and editor who is originally from Hazard, Kentucky, but currently resides with her family in central Tennessee (though she frequently visits her Appalachian roots). Her favorite Bible verse is Psalm 42:5, which reminds her that in despair, there’s hope in God, and there’s healing in praising Him.